Never Nirvana
by Lobo Lluvia
Summary: A peek into the thoughts of the dying white wolf we all know and love, Kiba. Written in first person, oneshot, and very sad in my opinion. RR please.


**Hey, this is Lobo, I wrote this from Kiba's point of view. It's what I believe he was thinking in his last moments. See I think that he lost his memory of everything in the end, therefore history repeated itself. I called it Never Nirvana because 'nirvana' is defined as "freedom from the endless cycle of personal reincarnations, with their consequent suffering, as a result of the extinction of individual passion, hatred, and delusion." So I think it was just a vicious cycle, for the beginning of the series was indeed the end of the series. So I don't know, I was just trying to have an insightful peace of work. Please R+R. **

**I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this document.**

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**_Never Nirvana_**

I can't help, but replay what happened in my mind. Everything…happened all so fast. The memories are starting to fade as I go over them. I feel as though my heart will burst with pain, yet at the same time it's like nothing ever happened. As I walk into oblivion, I think about those dear to me. My 'pack'.

I can't even remember the last thing I said to Toboe. I can picture his face in my head, he seemed so at peace. I remember the first time I met him, so amazed at seeing other wolves. I'm glad I sent Hige back to make sure he was okay, the pup was a great addition to our group. He matured, and grew big. I can honestly say I'm proud of Toboe. I smirk just thinking about how far he came along. He saved my life when the walrus attacked us, and proved his strength. If anything he kept the rest of us together, always trying to fix our mistakes and arguments. My head aches with pain, every time I think about him not making it to Paradise.

Hige. I couldn't protect him. I stood and watched the fury burn in his eyes as Darcia ripped his throat out. His eyes, as he told me to leave him, so optimistic. I can't believe I actually thought he was going to be okay. I have yet to be accustomed to the idea of Hige's death. So smart and sensible, not too mention sarcastic. Memories of his wise-cracks bring another smile to my lips. As far as I can remember he was the first wolf I met all the way back in the city. He helped me find the flower maiden; I wouldn't have been able to make it to here without him. His betrayal, the thought creates faint anger, yet I forgive him. The reason is indistinct and distorted to me now. All my mind can think is: my friend, I wish you would've made it to Paradise.

Tsume is in my mind's eye now. He put Hige out of his misery, I'm glad neither is suffering. Tsume, he always had the desire to leave the sentimental things aside. Though I always sensed the hidden bond he had with Toboe. He was noticeably disturbed by Toboe's death. I can recall before leaving the city, him trying to talk sense into the boy. He had always looked out for Toboe, although it had never been apparent. I recollect memories of fighting along his side, we made quite the team. This brings yet, another smile to my lips. His words still ring loudly in my ears; _I don't want to move anymore either_, like he had already accepted his fate. Tsume wanted badly to go to Paradise in the end of our journey; I suddenly feel a deep sadness that he didn't make it.

Cheza. The name brings my heart a painful ache. _The world will close up for a while, and we will be apart from one another. _I feel my throat choke with emotion, I don't want to apart from Cheza or my friends. I grasp onto whatever memories I have left of her. The first time I heard her cry, the first time she touched me, the time she sacrificed herself for us. _We would not have met, and the flowers will protect you. Kiba, because you protected this one, the flowers will return and bloom once more. So when the world is reborn, and Paradise opens, we will meet again. _As I walk to nothingness, I still remember her embrace and gripping onto her. Her blood intertwines with mine on the ground, and then I remember. I'm bleeding, and probably dying. The thought makes me feel peaceful; I don't think I want to move anymore either. _This one will be waiting for you. Find this one. And this time, the Paradise you hoped for will be..._ The Paradise I hoped for seems so very trivial now.

When will this nightmare end? Our blood seems to stain the whole mountain. I feel so exhausted, yet I continue to move forwards. To what? Paradise? I can't possibly be going to Paradise, the world is closing up. My thoughts blend together into a high pitch noise. My mind wants me to no longer think about these things. But I my thoughts can't stop, it's all I can do. I barely have enough strength to walk. It seems my pride has even taken a hit, as I recall begging Darcia to stop hurting Cheza. Darcia. The reason they are all dead and I am dying. Anger faintly burns in the pit of my stomach. It subsides when the memory of his demise comes into my head.

I have to find Cheza, she is waiting for me. The reason now slips my mind, as do most of the reasons for anything. The memories are starting to disappear. '_No let them stay. I don't want to forget._' I hear myself scream in my head.

I can see now, the snowy plain in front of me. Although my vision is blurred and my steps are uneven, I feel myself dragging what's left of my broken body. I have no thoughts, just the dull memories of a past existence. I falter, and glance around. Where am I even going? What is paradise? Cheza. Oh Cheza. Why did you have to leave me? My grip on her, the flower, loosens. The world around me swirls as I lose my balance. My whole body collapses in a heap of white. I close my eyes, to watch as the last glimpses of my memories fade. They flash before my mind, one after the other. Toboe, Hige, Tsume, and finally Cheza. Then there is nothing but darkness.

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I can only see black. I feel cold snow land gently upon me. I don't even know who or where I am. I feel pain all over and inside. My fur is damp with what I'm guess is my own blood. I notice the gaping wounds on my body, and wonder how I received them. My eyes quiver and slowly open half-way. That's when I see it lying in front of me. A lunar flower. There are faint, but familiar images in my head. Yet I feel one thing cry out from inside of me. I react to it emotionally and physically. I hear one word. **Paradise**.

But there's only so much I can remember. My mind is weak and full of vague thoughts. All I know is…

They say there's no such place, as paradise.

Even is you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there.

No matter how far you walk.

It's always the same road.

It just goes on and on.

But in spite of that…

_**Why am I so driven to find it? **_

I hear someone's voice. _Calling to me._


End file.
